My Direct Experiences with Online Dating Sites
I would have to warn you, that they are not good experiences whatsoever. So if you are looking for a happy ending sort of speak, you may not want to read this post.
The Excitement, the Mystery, the Endless Questions
When you first setup your profile, you get pretty excited about the possibilities. You follow the sites recommendations how to setup your profile for “proven results” and go the extra mile doing their online personality assessments for chemistry, needs, and etc. Then you start messaging women or men depending on your preference and orientation. I am strictly heterosexual so I messaged heterosexual (or so the say) women.
Cocked and Loaded to Message some Dames to Kill For
All in all, at first, you start messaging all the girls that appeal to you on the site. You quickly find out that women do not message you back at all if they do not like you. They also do not message you on occasion if they do like you. Some of them delete your message without reading the message. Definite sign she does not like you and most likely it would be your picture so you would then change it with a better one, preferably one where you are smiling .
Other girls will message you, or hit your profile, so you will see them, leaving a subtle hint to message them. Out of those, you usually find a date, about one per week, if the previous date did not pan out. Be prepared to do this several times. Be prepared to be disappointed. Look at Dating Sites Issue No 4 and 5. Men and especially women use old pictures, or a mixture of old and new pictures. The idea of course is to make themselves look younger and more appealing.
You Got a Date! Whoa
But, when you date them, you immediately see that they are older looking, usually much older or overweight or both. If you can get over this hurdle then you can start the date. I usually go through with the date anyway, to give them a chance to show me their personality. Sometimes, (not often) it can make up for the deception.
The biggest hurdle however when dating, with 90% of these women, (and I am sure men too) is the bull dung. Even though you may be honest, used recent pictures, and indicated that you want a relationship, does not mean your date, who lied about their age, used old pictures, and lied about their body shape, suddenly told the truth about wanting a relationship. This is the biggest hurdle because being a honest (naive) person, you will be totally unaware that they want a one night stand. Sex. The old hokey, pokey. The old hammer and nail. The old tongue and groove. The old hide the snake. The old 3 step out the window(if they turn out married).
That is all you Want is Sex? I am not that Kind of Boy/Girl
The biggest thing that your date will try and do is manipulate the conversation enough to make it your idea to go for a one night stand. That way, the next day, hour, or minute, either at your place or theirs, or hotel room (red flag), you go your separate ways with no obligation. Also, they do not have to worry about you clinging to them so they can try someone else next week, or leave you at their beckon call. Oh yes, that is the way it goes or will go, depending on how far you allow it to progress, and whether you know the truth or not. If they think you do, then they will play out the con.
I fell for this scenario a couple of times, but am wise to this now. Problem is when you start confronting the date with more relationship questions, and how committed they would be, that puts a huge damper on the date, and it will end with no progress. If the date is a good liar, they will play along until you are in bed, then after, let the axe fall, severing the relationship before it grows. Yes you will be heart broken but you will get over it. Just wipe your nose, block the user, and move on. Don’t give them a second chance! They will just use you again.
Truth or Consequences! Or a Crazy, Jealous, Attacking Spouse
The next date scenario is the semi-honest dater, genuinely wanting a relationship. They usually look about the same as the picture, sometimes better, and appear very interested. The issue with these daters is communication, or the lack of communication. They are very limited in imagination to converse, and usually will chat just long enough to get the date established. If anyone remembers that Lynyrd Skynyrd song that states “Don’t ask me no questions, and I won’t tell you no lies”.
These daters will possibly bale out of the first date. But establish another date. So, even though you were stood up, they smoothed it out with another date offer. But here is the catch. You have to message them several times. The ratio will be approximately 4 of your messages to 1 of theirs. Sometimes they will not answer you for a week. And just when you have given up on the date, and started to make new plans, they will call or message you to confirm the date.
When on the date, they are congenial and will talk and go with the mood. They rarely however add anything to the conversation, only elaborate on what is being said, or what was asked. When answering, will speak in generalities. Once the date is done, they immediately want to say goodbye and go home. They will offer or accept to see you again, let you kiss them, and off they will go. You will probably wonder, “was that a good date? Or WTF?
Are you Really Glad to See Me? Or is That the Smell of Jack Daniels?
Between the first date and the next, the message ratio will be about the same, 4 to 1, and you will barely confirm the second date. The second date will go the same as the first, with it ending, getting a kiss, and a promise of a third date. Between the second and the third date will be the same scenario. Lack of solid 2 way communication. If you ever bed this date, or get a commitment out of them, you will be lucky.
This can only indicate 3 scenarios with this date:
- They are married and in a bad relationship.
- They are committed to a boyfriend in a bad relationship
- They are an alcoholic or substance abuser
In all scenarios, this would account for the span of time they do not communicate or see you. It accounts for the “it is 12:00 midnight, and I am about to turn into a pumpkin if I do not go home now”. It accounts for them always staying home, supposedly alone, and seemingly sick or tired all of the time. It accounts for the meetings to continue in public rather then being invited to their house. They may accept an invitation to your house, but will be strict on when they have to leave. Always seemingly very cautious.
All 3 scenarios are consistent to the above accounting. You can hang in there to see if you ever get closer, but do not be surprised if you can not get to second base, or some monster S.O.B. suddenly suckers you and knocks your block off. This can also mean, if she does let you into her life, you will soon witness the substance abuse or alcoholism. This dater proved to be an alcoholic.
It is the 3rd Date, So Can’t We Have Sex?
Some relationship expert on the web said, Quote “finds that baby boomers are far more likely to wait to have sex than younger daters” Unquote. WTF, is this expert on drugs? This expert is only 28 yrs old and has no real long term relationship experience. Thus, has no clue other then their “slide rule” analogy to relationships and dating. But people listen to this person and that is what is scary. A 28 year old with relationship experience? Not my first choice for advice.
As a rule, men expect to have sex sooner then women. Women tend to hold the reins back, waiting to see if this person will return or show interest. Then, when she is sure he is interested, and she has some sexual attraction to this person, will allow his advances to have sex, usually in a passionate manner. There are cases with, both, young and older daters, that it will end up in the sac the first night. It has nothing to do with age. It has all to do with passion and chemistry. If there is no passion or chemistry, you are wasting your time. If you are not laid by the third or forth date, it may not have the “spark” needed start the relationship. Unless you are members, (both of you) of a religion, and are faithful to it’s teachings of waiting until marriage.
We Won’t Get Tooled Again
Another quote from this same expert, Quote “Especially among older people who went through the sexual revolution, with maturity they realize there are emotional consequences for getting involved in a sexual relationship” Unquote. This is another “slide rule” calculation. The sexual revolution, (60’s to mid 70’s) was nothing more then a drug induced orgy. Psychologically, it was a rebellion against the 50’s, but really, it was a rebellion against the establishment and arranged marriages. Now, you would say, “arranged marriages only happens “over there”, not here”. My explanation to that is, where do you think you descended from, unless you are aboriginal? You descended from “over there”.
The Longer We Wait, The More Chance Of Defeating Fate
Another so called “relationship expert” said in a nutshell, new couples, young or old, should wait a minimum of 90 days to have sex. Wars have been won in shorter periods. 3 months? Most certificate courses take that long. One full semester. Well, this may work in college and university because, in the first semester, you both will be bogged down with homework, and barely have time to have lunch together. The time will joust by, and what better way to celebrate the success of a first semester? With some, good, old fashioned, unadulterated sex. You both would have earned it, if you waited that long, which I highly doubt.
Hi, I like your Profile! How much Money do you Make Again?
This brings me to another date acquired by a dating site. This time, there seemed to mutual interest and full two way communication. She looked a older then her picture, but she was still attractive, just greyer. We seemed to have some common interests, played pool, I paid for the drinks, and we kissed on the first date! Great start right? Lots of communication between dates and hordes of pecuniary questions (red flag). But because this dater actually seemed sincere and liked to communicate, I vented my pecuniary status to a large enough degree, until the questions tapered. That meant basically providing a verbal financial statement, you know, like I was applying for a loan.
This brought my enthusiasm down a couple of notches, but tried to move on from there, going to the second date. We went for coffee first and talked, then after, planned to go to the movies. Keep in mind, this woman has only vented the surface of her own pecuniary status to me, but expected so much more verification of my pecuniary status. The show went well, paid by me, and we held hands, and kissed later. She then abruptly ended the date, and went home. I, during our communications, between the second and third date, started to talk more romantic, giving her suggestive compliments, how I desired to be close to her. Mistake.
So, you are a Daddy’s Girl?
This woman did not respond well to this conversation, and instead of taking the compliments in stride, which would not of committed her to anything, decided to attack the conversation, like throwing a bucket of ice cold water on your naked body. Making it very clear that she, at this point had no thoughts or desires to have any type of sexual relationship and would not have any idea when she would be interested having sex. This would of been fine I guess, but I never asked her to have sex yet. In fact, I got the same lecture from her planning the second date, when I suggested, instead of going to the movie theater, to go to her house, or mine to watch movies using my Amazon Fire Stick. At no time then, did I ask to have sex, but in answer, she stated she did not trust me enough to have in her home for the possibility of sexual interaction. At that point, I was beginning to suspect this woman had strong sexual deviant issues and did not trust men whatsoever.
Lets go for Supper Then? I’m buying anyway. And by the way, I just got laid off.
I ended that synopsis of the conversation, that was leading no where fast, and asked her to go out for dinner on out third date. She accepted and went to dinner as planned. She seemed to be in good spirits and we had a good meal. Knowing that she wanted to go to the bar later, to shoot pool and drink, I decided to talk about the conversation we had, before the date. I attempted to explain, that we have dated enough, to decide if we should get more intimate, at least conversation wise. Again, she gave me the same treatise, of not knowing in her mind when she would be ready for sex.
This would of been fine again, but all I was asking is to get more close and intimate, not to have sex. The more I tried to explain the difference, the more she distrusted what I was saying, like I was trying to con her into bed. Thus, I decided to end the date there saying I had a headache. I turned the tables on her, making her the pursuer. But at this point, I decided not to pursue this relationship at all. And, when she called me the next day, venting, that her relationship needs were different then mine, I told her I was laid off. That seemed to get rid of her because I have not heard from her since. That is proof in the pudding, she was only looking to increase her financial security without having to put out.
That is about it. If I go on more quirky dates, I will update this post, or the other, or both. Happy dating!
“Tex” oNid ittEnEbEd (sHow nO mErcY)
Originally Published on October 27, 2015
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